Lily's Fingernails
by sequin
Summary: Fluffy oneshot. How did nail polish help Lily make her most important decision? A Lily/James story.


Why couldn't she say it? All Lily had to say were three little words but she couldn't. James had looked straight into her eyes, baring his soul and declaring his love for her but she could not reply. She'd opened her mouth, she was about to reciprocate it suddenly dawned on her who she was talking to. This was James Potter – did she love James Potter?! The thought of it scared her - so she ran. Ran from the secluded little spot they had been sat in on the banks of the lake, ran from James and tried as hard as she could to run from her feelings.

She dashed up through the castle, desperate to reach the privacy of her dormitory. Lily tried to cross the common room without anyone noticing but as she rushed past James' friends Remus grabbed her arm, "Lily, what's the matter? You look-"

"Just don't Remus," she snapped "I just need to think!" She ran up the dormitory steps and collapsed onto her bed. What on earth was she meant to do? James loved her – but did she love him? That would go against everything she had claimed to believe. It was fine to date the guy, even to care about him but if she loved him... well that would mean she needed him and she, Lily Evans, most definitely did not need a man.

Thoughts raging around her head, Lily needed her diary. Maybe if she wrote everything down, her feelings would make more sense. She jumped up from her bed and rummaged around in her trunk. There was so much junk in there that it was impossible to find the little brown leather journal that contained her most private thoughts. She would have to empty it all out. Broken quills, too-small robes, battered text books, all were flung from the trunk. Throwing a brown paper bag containing last year's birthday presents onto the bed she saw a small black object fall under the four poster. "Oh great" she said, getting on her hands and knees and sticking her head under the bed.

"Lily, what _are_ you doing?!" Lily's friend Louisa had entered the dormitory and was looking quizzically down at Lily's legs sticking out from under the bed.

"Oh, um just looking for something." Lily said, sounding muffled with her head still under the four poster.

"Are you OK? Remus said you seemed -"

"I'm fine. Just sorting my trunk out. Something fell under my bed" Lily said quickly – explaining why her belonging were scattered around the room. "Lumos." The underside of her bed was lit up by wand and Lily could see all her old socks and dusty old books that had gone missing over the years. Then she saw the little black bottle in the corner and scrambled under to get it.

"OK...well Dominic and I are heading to the library to do that Potions essay."

"Alright well I think I'm just going to stay here. I've got some stuff to sort out" Lily said pulling herself out from under the bed, her dark red hair messed up and dusty. She brushed her hair back from her eyes with the hand that held the little bottle.

"That's the nail polish that I bought you for your birthday!" Louisa exclaimed "Try it. It's colour completely reflects your emotions. It's brutally honest. My cousin's wedding got cancelled when he saw his fiancé's nails were hot pink in a photo of her and the best man."

"What does hot pink mean?" Lily asked.

"Lust."

"Ouch!"

"Yeah. Look, the guide's on your bed." Louisa picked it up and read, 'Carmella's Colour-coded Nail Polish - 120 different colours to match your heart.' There's Emerald Green - like your eyes – oh wait, that means jealously," she laughed. Lily gave her a sarcastic smile.

"Very funny."

"I know," grinned Louisa, "And there's this swirling Storm Grey – that means anxiety or uncertainty. Or Sunshine Yellow – that means perfectly content. It's meant to be really rare but that's the colour I had when I put it on last summer. Mind you, I was staying with Dominic at time so that might be why." She smiled.

Dominic was Louisa's boyfriend in Ravenclaw, they had been going out for ages and - as hard as she tried not to be - Lily was quite jealous of their relationship. It just seemed so easy compared to her and James' constant fights from first year to sixth year and the awkwardness that arose when you started going out with your past enemy. True, they had been doing great the past few months and everyone said it seemed as if they were just born to be together but what James had said that morning had completely thrown her. Surely if they were 'born to be together' it wouldn't be so…difficult.

"Anyway, try it" Louisa said, "You can always take it off if you want – the spell's on the back of the booklet." She tossed the guide to Lily who was still sat on the dormitory floor.

"Maybe," Lily said cautiously.

"Go on. What have you got to lose? Sorting your trunk out doesn't seem to have been very productive." Louisa pointed out, indicating the mess that now covered Lily's bed and a considerable portion of the girls' dormitory. "Anyway, Dominic will be wondering where I've got to. I was meant to meet him five minutes ago."

"OK, see you later."

"And you'll try on the nail polish?"

"Hmm."

"Promise? If you don't I might realise that it's been buried at the bottom of your trunk all this time. And I might find that very insulting," Louisa said, sounding serious but looking rather amused.

Lily smiled up at her friend, "OK, OK. I'll try it on. I promise."

"Good good. See you at dinner," Louisa picked up a pile of Potions book and left the room.

Lily was left to her thoughts. She spent a moment staring aimlessly at the dormitory door before getting up and starting to properly sort through her things. Then she remembered that, being a witch, the best way to find something would actually be to use magic!

"Accio diary," Lily said with a swish of her wand and the brown leather bound diary came zooming out of her underwear drawer and into her hand. So it hadn't even been in her trunk after all. She said a spell to try to get her possessions back into the trunk but they all just kind of flopped into a big heap at the bottom of her bed. She must work on her household spells before she left Hogwarts. Her mother would not be impressed if Lily could do magnificent charms and concoct fabulous potions yet was unable to do the washing up!

She fell back onto her bed, diary in hand, and picked up a quill from her bedside table. In doing so she knocked over the nail polish and realised that she better keep her promise to her friend. Lily sat and painted her nails as precisely as she could, she could have used magic to apply it more precisely but being Muggleborn it felt kind of...unnatural for her to perform spells on her own body – even if it was just her nails. The moment she had finished painting her last little fingernail she could see clearly what the colour was. Storm Grey. Well, that was useful. She knew she was anxious. She knew she was uncertain. The nail polish was meant to make her feeling clear – not just reaffirm her confusion!

Ugh! Lily thought. Why couldn't she know how she felt? James was such a great guy but whether she loved him or not ... Lily just didn't have a clue.

_How on earth did all this happen?_ Lily wrote._ I mean we've only been going out four months! I can't really be in love with him after just four months!! Why can't I be like Louisa? She just knows how she feels straight away. Why can't I just know?! It can't be that hard to know whether or not you love someone! James seems to know – I saw how genuine he was, the vulnerability in his eyes. Merlin, how could I be so harsh?! I just left him there. After everything he's done for me. When Petunia got married and he came along to support me, even after I screamed at him just weeks before, when I wouldn't even care if a Deatheater caught him. Why was I ever so horrible to him? He was an idiot before but he's been nothing but amazing to me since last summer. At Petunia's wedding; that time in Hogsmeade when those Slytherins jumped me; when Grandma Rose died in that Deatheater attack on the muggle shopping centre. For Merlin's sake, I really couldn't have survived without him..._

Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She was exhausted. Pouring her heart out onto the page had emotionally drained her, she needed rest. She lay back on her bed and soon dozed off.

_Lily was in a beautiful spot of countryside. The fields all around her appeared carpeted with gorgeous green grass, decorated with delicate daisies. Sunshine surrounded her and the sky was a perfect, unblemished blue. She was perched on the bank of a small, crystal-clear river, admiring the natural beauty all around her. Suddenly she noticed a man sat on the opposite bank. He fitted all the clichés – tall, dark and most definitely handsome._

"_James," she smiled, "You made me jump."_

"_Sorry," he grinned, "I thought you'd like it down here."_

"_Yeah, it's gorgeous."_

"_Just like you." Lily rolled her eyes but gave a small smile. James always managed to make her feel good about herself. "Anyway," James said, climbing down the bank to get to the river, "Join me down here" He stripped off his T-shirt, revealing a perfect torso, and threw it to Lily. He sttod in the river in just his shorts and she smiled._

"_But I'm wearing a dress, I can't take this off."_

"_Well you could if you wanted to," James grinned, "I wouldn't mind. No, honestly Lily just come in, it's amazing." He lay back in the water and started floating on his back, the clear water lapping onto his body, making his chest sparkle in the sunlight. Lily watched him for a second. _

"_How am I meant to get down though?" Lily asked. James swam over to her side of the river and stood in the water._

"_Jump! I'll catch you, I promise." James spread out his arms in front of him._

_Lily didn't need to pause for a second before getting to her feet, "OK." She trusted him. She closed her eyes and stood on the edge of the bank. Then she jumped. She felt his strong and warm (but wet) arms envelop her before..._

"Lily! Lily, wake up!"

"What?" Lily rubbed her eyes and saw her friend Heather stood over her. "Oh Merlin, what time is it?"

"Seven, it thought I better wake you so you didn't miss dinner."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Nice dream? You looked happy"

"Yeah," Lily said with a small smile on her face.

"Ooh, nice nails. I love that colour," Lily looked down at her fingernails. They were a deep scarlet colour. What did that mean? She grabbed the booklet from the bottom of her bed and flicked through it. Emerald Green...Glittering Gold... Hot Pink...Incredible Indigo...Apple Green...Ocean Blue...there it was! Stunning Scarlet! It meant...

Lily bit her lip but a smile crept across her face. "Um... thanks. Listen, I've got something I really need to do first so I'll see you at dinner in a bit, OK?"

"Err...OK" replied Heather, looking quite puzzled and Lily dashed out of the dormitory.

"Sirius!" Lily cried, spotting James' friend in the common room. "Do you know where James is?"

"I really don't think that keen on seeing you at the moment." Sirius said coldly, evidently he'd heard what happened earlier that day.

"Look, I made a mistake earlier. I really need to talk to him." Lily said frantically.

"Well he really won't want to talk to you." Sirius said, looking directly at her.

"Sirius – please! He really, really needs to hear this" Lily pleaded, begging him with her eyes.

Sirius considered for a moment. "OK...but if you make it worse –"

"I won't. I promise!"

Sirius paused again, studying her pale, desperate face closely, "Alright." He gave her directions to where James would be.

Lily dashed through the castle until she reached the deserted corridor Sirius directed her to. A doubt formed in her mind, would James really be here? It wouldn't be unlike Sirius to trick her after what she had deserted his best friend. But she had no choice.

Walking up and down, Lily thought to herself _I need a place to find James._

"This is it," she whispered before opening the door in front of her.

Stepping into the room, Lily looked around. Gryffindor drapes hung all around the large room; bookcases stood against the wall, filled with tomes on Quidditch and advanced transfiguration; there was a table next to the door with a teapot, cups and plates covered with chocolate digestives –James' favourite food. On the opposite side of the room was a group of green velvet armchairs, the contrast of the drapes and armchairs made the room look like Christmas. With a pang, Lily noticed a drawing that Louisa had done of Lily and James a few weeks back. It was true, they did look like they were born to be together.

Lily saw James' messy dark hair sticking up over the armchair facing away from her.

"James." Lily said softly, walking over to him.

His head whipped round but as soon as they made eye contact he closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. "Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I need to show you something."Lily said, perching herself on the armchair opposite him.

"Look, to be honest I really just want to be left alone," he said, refusing to look at her.

"James, I know I was stupid. I'm sorry - I really am. I was just scared."

"Scared? What on earth do you think I felt like?!" James said, sounding frustrated.

"I know," Lily said slowly, "I know. But just... look. Look at my fingernails."

James looked straight at her now, running his hand through his scruffy black hair . "Lily, just stop it, OK? I really really do not care what your fingernails look like."

"But James," she said, holding her hands up level with her face, showing James her nails, "They're scarlet. Do you know what scarlet nails mean?"

James was now angry, "What scarlet nails mean? Maybe that after breaking my heart, you decided to have another bit of fun by painting your nails red!" He said, his voice gradually getting louder.

"James! Just listen to me!" James fell silent, "After I ran away from you – stupidly I know – I was sat in my dormitory when Louisa told me to paint my nails with this special nail polish. The colour of it exactly matches what you feel." James looked at her, listening intently but still incredibly frustrated. "And my nails are scarlet." Lily said, laughing softly.

"So?"

"James, scarlet means...well it means..."

"Yes?"

"Scarlet means love – complete, eternal love" Lily whispered slowly, afraid of James reacting to her as she had to him that morning.

James sat completely still for a moment, staring straight into Lily's deep, emerald eyes, taking it what she had told him. Gradually a grin crept across James' face and he began to laugh. Jumping up from his armchair, James lifted Lily from her armchair and spun her round and round, both of them blissfully happy.

"I love you, Lily Evans" James said, when they had finished spinning and laughing.

"And I love you James Potter" Lily replied, wiggling her bright scarlet fingernails in front of him.

**A/N: Please review. It's the first story I've put up here so I'll be very grateful for your comments!**


End file.
